Yesterday I found out that my dad has Cancer. I didn't really know how to feel about this since I pretty much hate everything about him. I honestly think my little sisters will be better off not knowing him. But he's not dead yet. But there's the human side of me that feels some sort of sadness for him. Wait let me correct that I feel sadness for myself. I pitty myself for having a father like him. Yeah it's still early and I haven't really tried to hard to think about it.  I know I'm going to cry I'm just a big blob of a cry baby. The 12 year old in me is tore up about it b/c she still liked her dad. The 20 year old I am says" That's what he gets for being a fucking bastard as bitch. Let's see him make more babies now!" However I would never say that too his face. Actually I would . Back to me So I'm pretty sure I have cancer or will very soon . About 3 months ago my aunt died from brain cancer now my dad has it and 3 out of 4 grandparents died from cancer.  Yeah maybe I shouldn't  smoke fags but we're all gonna die some day, some just sooner than others.

I cry  like a baby when I watch the children at St. Josephs hospital special everytime it's on tv. Those kids are so beautiful and full of life. It puts me in such a downer  mood to watch the program and at the end they tell us those kids died like 2 months after. What are they trying to do to people. I'm not a robot I cry for strangers rather than my own blood.



P.s  I'm a very sensitive young lady that isn't cold hearted. I promise.

"My life still sucks plain and simple. There's no way to convey this without sounding emo. Fuck it. My heart hurts a little more than before. I've never felt like this before. I guess I cared a lot more about him than I thought. With time I'm pretty sure it'll hurt a lot less.Hopefully. Because as of now I couldn't even sleep and my chest was hurting which leads me to think it's a broken heart. I refuse to be a hypocrite about this situation. You know it must be really something if I've resulted to a blog to let it out, because I rarely come on here."- Ebony

      This was me a little over a week. I don't feel like that anymore. Well not to that extent at least. Thanya says I should write in my journal more so she doesn't have to hear me talk about it. What a little Fire-crotch. The paragraph before was my heart wrenching reaction from finding out the guy I liked was into someone else, my best friend! I was a little vexed about it since it came as a total shock entire  time. (But it's not like he lead me on ,so I don't know where she got that Idea.) I would like to think of myself as a very level headed person. So if he just told me straight up I would have been fine with it. I think it was the lack of communication, he had some many opportunities to tell me how he felt.  The guy in question said he knew I liked him but not to what extent.Blah Blah blah. What does that even mean? I hate it when people avoid telling me the truth because they're trying to spare my  feelings. Fuck it people just need to learn how to be honest. Anyway I think I'm pretty much over the whole thing after days of talking about it . There's just a lot of  awkward turtle moments ahead mostly for me:)   That's the last time I'm going to be nice to a guy. I don't get it ! I'm a extremely shy person and I tried to be a less shy person around him. I think I'm just going to go back to my old shy self ,it worked better for me. 

Dam why did he have to be so dam cute?

These boys were so fucking amazing with english accents.  At the show it dawned on me that I've never seen a UK band perform live. They were the best I hope they come back soon.  The show was 10 times better than the video.